No tags yet.
At my school, black students have three options-----succumb to the negativity, forget about your race and disown your skin (even though one can never escape race), or overcome the negativity and try to succeed. Which one is the hardest? Option C.
One instance that had an affect on me during the entire school day was when a teacher in one of my AP classes addressed me about my race. He said, "DeAsia, I don't know if this has to be said at all, but I know that you are aware of the achievement gap of African-Americans here at this school. You're diligent, you do the homework, you come to me when you have questions, and you're getting a B in my class. I just wanted to commend you on overcoming the negativity facing African-Americans." After he said that to me, I honestly felt grateful that he said that. However, throughout the day, I began to think about it more. Am I supposed to feel different from the majority of my race because I do what any student is supposed to do in school? Should I feel like a credit to my race because I'm the only black in an AP class? Did the teacher expect less from me? Did the fact that I performed beyond his expectations trigger him to tell me about my "difference"? Those are thoughts that I still have about the conversation, even right now as I am typing this post. While I do appreciate the comment, I don't feel like I should be congratulated on behalf of my race for doing well in school.
One would think that being in AP classes, a black student is seen as competitive as the Indian, White, or Asian students. Sometimes I am treated like I don't deserve to be in those classes. Other times, I feel perceived as just the black girl (i.e. an outcast whose opinion does not matter). But, on a very rare occurrence when race is addressed, I am the go-to-girl for my opinion. Whenever I am doing a group project, people feel the need to check my work and/or modify it as if my work wasn't good enough. Maybe it isn't in their eyes, or maybe because my race disqualifies me from doing excellent work. Thus, kids like me, have to work harder and just to prove that we belong here. I recently did a project with an Indian girl, and for every answer I suggested she would laughingly respond, "No it can't be that; that doesn't make sense." She really made me feel like I was the dumbest girl on the planet.
To those that have gone through or are going through similar situations, the following are some guidelines:
-In a group project, please don't act like you're work will be trusted.
-Don't get too excited and involved when something of your race is mentioned even though those moments rarely happen. They will misinterpret your excitement for being too obstinate but automatically deem you as the spokesperson for your race once the rare moments occur.
-Please don't act like a victim and discuss white supremacy because they will just brush you off and give you that bold look as if white-supremacy is a new term.